Michelle Kennedy:

What? No TV? No Instant Messenger?

I like TV. I’ll admit it—as if it is something that needs to be confessed: "Hi, I’m Michelle, and I like TV."

I never had a problem telling people that I like TV. I have several friends who disdain TV for various reasons—all of them completely valid—and so I have felt, over the years, that I should inflate my television watching habits—say by telling people that I only like to watch C-Span and CNN. But that would be untrue. I like Star Trek, The West Wing, The Gilmore Girls (shh, don’t tell my intellectual friends!), and I’ve even been known to watch Oprah when she’s giving out all of that free stuff at Christmas time. So there it is. I am a product of my Gen-X upbringing.

I remember my dad often telling us how there was no TV when he was little; how they listened to the radio; how when they finally got their first TV it was black and white. And I appreciate those stories. But it occurred to me—what stories do I have to tell my children? That when I was small cable TV only had 30 channels, not 250? That we had a Betamax before we had a VCR? That my favorite video game system was an Atari? Not exactly compelling "when I was your age," material.

In fact, I am closer in technology to my kids, than I am to my parents. I had a computer in my pre-teens (it was an Apple IIGS, but still...). The only real difference that I can see in the mentality between my kids’ technology and mine, is that their graphics are a million times better and when I had to do a report at school I had to go and get books and magazines—my kids just "Google" the topic.

This is why it was such a shock to my family when I disconnected our satellite TV. "What?" They said. "How will we exist?" The children were horrified. How could we go a day without seeing 16 people battle the elements and each other for cash and prizes? We just would, I said. But why? They asked. Why would you do this to us, your children, the people you supposedly love?

For just that reason. And it was hard for me, please understand. What I realized was that I was not only a lover of TV, I was addicted. It didn’t matter what I was doing—reading a book, knitting a scarf, writing an article. The TV was always on.

I always thought that I was a pretty responsible TV parent. I certainly tried to be. I engaged the parental controls—enabling my children to only view shows with certain ratings. I made sure they only watched for a certain amount of time—most of the time. But then there were those rainy Saturdays... I recently read a Parenting.com survey that said that almost 85% of moms say they turn on the TV or pop in a DVD or video "sometimes or often" to get tasks done around the house. And I was shocked to learn that: "When it comes to what's on TV, moms with kids of all ages are bothered most by violence, followed by sexual or suggestive content ... Kate Holmes, a mom of two kids in Los Angeles, said "at five or six, the whole landscape changes. It seems like there's really nothing geared for that age group, until they're about twelve. So they end up watching things that are too old for them.

"Indeed, moms of kids ages 7 to 12 are most likely to disregard ratings, saying that they think their kids can handle the content despite the ratings. Beverly Henry of Temple, Texas, admits that her sons, 9 and 7, have on occasion watched R-rated movies on TV."

In fact, I am frequently shocked to learn what my kids’ friends are watching on TV. My younger kids (ages 10 and 8) are only allowed to watch G and PG movies. Occasionally, I will allow a PG-13 to go through, but only if my husband and I have seen it first.

One boy we know came over toting not only some of the most violent movies I had ever seen, but also a complete set of very inappropriate video games. I was stunned—and a little afraid to send my kids out to anyone else’s house ever again. Parental controls and ratings are great—to be sure—but only if we use them.

I also know several parents who have turned off their TVs—in the name of saving their kids from violence and sex—only to allow them to watch every movie under the sun and play every video game. I appreciate the effort, definitely, but replacing TV-viewing with just non-commercial TV viewing is not exactly defeating the monster.

So, then, Michelle ... are you saying that your family is completely TV-free? Certainly not! I refuse to give up Star Trek! But I do believe we have traded in passive TV-viewing for what I like to call a more "active" version. One has to really want to watch something in order for it to happen now. We have to go to the video store or order our selection online and wait—sometimes several days.

Because watching TV is now a bit more of an ordeal, I’ve noticed that what we watch has become quite selective. And we watch it as a family. We have become active watchers—and we have started to enjoy the selections of the rest of the family. One or two people aren’t in our living room, "vegging out" to whatever is on, while another is off playing video games and yet another is on the computer.

I have deactivated "screen viewing" as a choice of recreation. If a child has a project to research or a paper to type, my computer is open. If you just want to "surf," then you had better head to the beach. So what do we do now? Well, I’ve noticed that homework gets done a lot earlier in the day. And now that the Instant Messenger has been deactivated on the computer, my teens are much more likely to do their work, check the score of the Packer game, email a friend and then get off the computer—rather than sit in front of it for hours.

After dinner, we play games—and talk. I’ve also noticed that I have more energy at the end of the day because instead of relaxing in front of the tube, I might sit for a half hour with a knitting project or my book and then feel antsy to go and do something else—rather than just let my rear get bigger on the couch (it gets bigger just fine on its own, thank you).

"But Mom, how will we know what’s going on in the world?" This was an argument from my teenage son—who undoubtedly thought he could get TV back by implying that I was depriving them of an education. "We can subscribe to the newspaper," I replied. Like the one you’re reading now.

Michelle Kennedy is the mother of five children and the author of 10 books, including a memoir, "Without a Net," published by Viking in 2005. Please visit her online at www.mishakennedy.com.